Child Care Union

During my hiatus from feeling like writing (that dark murky place I went to where nothing seemed funny) I had bursts of ranty-ness surface.  

Yes, I just made up ranty-ness.  I like it so just run with it, okay?  Fantabulous makes me happy too.  This post isn't about the dictionary (one of my favorite books by the way) so let's not discuss my word-making-upping.  Made that one up too...

The following exchange occurred in May and still makes me giggle at Mr. Happy's response.  So... feeling not so energetic as to come up with my own, new rant today - I'm stealing from my own old rant in May and then expanding on it today...

In early May, Mr. Happy got an email from a one of our state senators about the day care unionization bill and forwarded it to me asking what my thoughts were on it.  Here is what I wrote:

I think it is bullshit for daycare providers to be defined as state workers.  I also have some issue with them unionizing since there is not a need for union to assist in contract negotiations with businesses for the rights of the the members/workers and the 'workers' are self employees day care providers doing business with individuals.  This pissed me off.  Those are my thoughts on this!  I feel a blog coming on...

Mr. Happy's response, which makes me giggle every time I read it:

Ok, and what are your real thoughts, don't hold back. 

He cracks me!

So, unfortunately even that was not enough to get me back to blogging then, but I am working on it now. And boy, I really do have a potty mouth when I'm fired up!

Since this little exchange between Mr. Happy and I, Governor Dayton has signed SF 778 into a law.  The interesting thing is, the few people I know that are daycare providers don't want this and aren't happy about it and say that no one they know is lobbying for it.  The biggest concerns I'm hearing is that they are self employed and the union turns them into state employees (which validated my initial response to Mr. Happy) and that the only way to avoid being part of the union is to not take in any CCAP families - but this then limits the options for those families and having State money is a lot more stable income than self-paying families.

Obviously, my exposure to this is limited to a few people with similar mindset.  But looking at the movement online against it and articles citing a predominant base of Child Care providers being against it, I have to ask - why exactly was this law put in place.  If it does not benefit those that are actually affected by it then it is political agenda, not the people's voice.

And, admittedly, I'm a tad tainted on union involvement due to my own experiences as a government employee forced to be in a union and what I've witnessed in this particular union creating a negative impact on work ethic - which sucks as that is not what a well formed and correctly run union does.  A well formed and correctly run union benefits it's members but doesn't excuse their misbehavior.

Very curious to hear what others think about the formation of the Child Care Union, as like I said... I only actually know a few people truly affected by this.

Sports Intensity

WARNING: This post has some not pleasant language.  I'm feeling surly about this topic and my potty mouth has surfaced...  If it will offend you then don't read it.

My kids are average. No delusions here. They might get some scholarship money for college and even possibly play college sports (okay, maybe I am a tad delusional) - but scouts aren't going to be visiting and offering us cars and they aren't going pro (though that would be awesome as then Mr. Chatterbox would love his mama again, well, at least when any national cameras were around).  As long as they have good grades, our boys participate in a sport a season.  They also participate in Scouts and Church programs and Mr. Cheerful takes drum lessons.  Little Miss Sassy Pants does brainy but cool and kind of expressive extra-curriculars like Book Club and Newspaper, and no longer does sports, so that's why we are just talking about the boys - she is not being excluded in any way.  As such, we have to find balance between the activities.  Most other parents I talk to are in the same boat - trying to find balance for activities of multiple kids in multiple things (which are not always the same) and having to make choices on which things to miss when there are conflicts.  Should my kids not be in sports ever because there might be a scout camping trip resulting in a practice or game missed?  Should my kids not be in scouts because there might be a game that conflicts with a troop or den meeting?  What about when I have to get them to places on opposite ends of town at the same time on a night when Mr. Happy is out of town - should they just not go if I can't find a ride for them instead of showing up 5-10 minutes late? Really - is 5-10 minutes late that awful vs. not being there at all?   Remember, we are talking about 10 and 12 year olds.  We aren't even talking about high school sports - these boys are elementary and middle school aged.  And I haven't even started my rant... so here goes:

• parent's who are stay-at-home or teachers with the summer off - knock it off... the rest of us don't have your life and the bar you've set is too darn high for us to meet it.  We get it... you don't have anything else in your life so you take this sport very serious.  You are never late, you never miss a practice and there is never anything other than this sport so nothing gets in the way of being here.  I can't stand these parents.  The ones that sports is their life and they make it their kids life and they don't get that other people don't feel the same way. And the thing is, their kid isn't going pro either.   They also expect you to figure it out no matter what and accept no excuses and usually don't have the extenuating circumstances like a traveling spouse or health issues. The thing is... why am I even having to explain myself to you - it's none of your flippin' business!!!  Life is hard.  I'm really happy for you that your's isn't but leave me and mine alone!  Let's be clear here though... I know several parents who are stay-at-home or teachers that don't act this way - so I am not saying this is a trait of all stay-at-home or teacher parents... I'm saying the ones that act superior and make my attendance or dedication their business need someone to knock them off that pedestal.  
• how about the coaches that bench kids at games who didn't come to practice?  Again... not talking about high school.  We are talking about elementary and middle school aged kids on teams that are patch-worked together with primarily volunteer parents coaching.  If you are on the high school team with a paid coach - yes I guess that I expect that coach to be a dick at times (although we will see when my boys get to high school how well I do at watching them get yelled at as my tolerance level now is pretty much nilch and I'm a tad over-protective so I'm really not sure what a few years is going to change on that, but we'll chat about that when we get there...) but at this age level - seriously... stop being an asshat!  Watching my kid sit on the sideline watching an entire game because he wasn't at practice the week prior due to a health condition out of his control does very little for me.  I get it - we are trying to teach them commitment to the game and the team and it does matter that they go to practice, not just the games, but if a kid didn't make practice it wasn't because he just didn't want to go.  It's because something else was going on, the kids was sick  or injured, or there is some extenuating issue.  I do not know a single parent that would accept the excuse out of their kid that they just don't want to go.  And seriously, if I - THE PARENT - is making the choice for my child to not be there (and again - that would not be for just not wanting to go) then who are you to punish my kid for a decision I made FOR them??? More than that... at this age it should be about building a love of the sport and equal playtime for all kids.  If you are stacking your roster and only playing kids that will make you win then you should not be coaching this age level.  
• having my kid yelled at for being late.  This one really ticks me off.  You are yelling at someone who has no control over their schedule and cannot drive themselves.  You don't know why they are late and you don't know if it was the kids fault or the parents fault.  If my kid isn't ready to go when it is time and he is late - I've already yelled at him in the car on the way there. But if that wasn't it... if he's late because of the parent, then what is your yelling going to accomplish other than make him feel bad for something he couldn't control?   You don't know the circumstances... maybe this kid was at the door or in the car with all his gear ready to go at the right time to get there on time or even early but the parent had to deal with something.  As a coach, if you see a consistent problem, then connect with the parent(s) to find out what is going on, to see if everything is ok, see if they need help or at a minimum get an understanding of what is going on.  What you don't do is yell at the kid in front of all the other kids when again (sounding like a broken record now) at this age they have no control over their schedule and they can not drive themselves but don't yell at the kid.  And certainly don't yell at them the first time it's ever happened - that isn't a pattern... that's a fact of life happening!  I do want to say my little mantra again though... these kids have no control over their schedule and they can not drive themselves.  No, really... did you hear me???  CHILDREN HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL WHATSOEVER OVER THEIR SCHEDULES AND THEY CAN NOT DRIVE THEMSELVES.   Did the yelling help?  No, of course it didn't.
• a parent sniping that if you can't get your kid there to use carpools but not offering to be one.  Really? I had a situation here recently where there were a couple grueling weeks of an extensive travel schedule for Mr. Happy during which I was relocated for work to the other side of the Metro, had exhausted my list of 'get help from other parents for ride's' and wanted to actually attend a game to see how awesomely average my kid was but couldn't find the field resulting in us being late - a parent who barely knows me has the audacity to tell me to use carpools!  Admittedly - I did not handle this well - I responded that it was so awesome that they were offering to carpool for all the other parents even though I knew that was not in any way what they were saying or meant. It was effective though - the conversation ended.  Like still... this person avoids me - so sometimes it is good to say what you are thinking.  Just not usually for me - so I won't mistake this one success for becoming a lifelong habit.  Thought that would be so wickedly cool if I could just start making all my snarky comments out loud instead of just in my head!
• the loud mouths on the sidelines that think they know the game better than the coach or the refs.  Really?  If you did then why didn't YOU volunteer to coach?  Why are you helping at practices when you can?  The coaches are doing their best and the refs are doing their best.  You aren't.  You are being an annoying whiner how just needs to shut your mouth.  This is bad, bad, bad sportsmanship that you are modeling.  Keep it clean and keep it positive.  Root the team on - loud and obnoxious is good if you are positive.  You can even be yelling at your boys to get to the ball first or stay on their guy (I'm faltering a little here as the majority of the time I am lost at sporting events and just repeating what Mr. Happy has said so I know it sounds good...) but don't yell at the coaches or refs to pay attention.  Don't yell at the boys to 'wake up' because the other team is 'creaming' them.  That would in absolutely no way motivate me so I can guarantee you it isn't going to motivate these boys.  Actually, that's a lie.  It does motivate me to wish that it was acceptable in society to punch morons.  Fortunately I'm a wimp and a weakling so we have no concerns that I'm ever going to go postal on anyone *grin*
• I have more, but I think I've made my point that people are taking youth sports way, way, way too serious. 

In all this, I do have to say - I, as a parent, benefit greatly from my kids being in sports because the majority of parents or coaches are not like the few bullet points I put above (I have more bullet points I could have done, so I really could potentially rant about this again later... that was probably foreshadowing for those that didn't catch it) and the social aspect for parents in sporting kids is AWESOME.  I love being on the sidelines with the majority of the other parents.  And our family has been quite lucky in having some coaches in the boys lives that are just totally and completely into the sport themselves in a positive way making the season a wonderful experience that has my boys wanting to come back again next year.

And... I do have to admit, in all the balance that I have to achieve - I could not muster it without the amazing support of some pretty awesome people in my life.  Whether it is from giving a ride, keeping me updated or being an ear for my vent... my support system  is an amazing, uplifting thing.  Even the ones who I rarely get to see.  But now we are migrating into the topic of friendships and how to maintain them and this rant was about parents who take sports too intensely!

LinkedIn Endorsements are totally bogus

I'm going to say it like I mean it... the endorsements on LinkedIn are totally bogus. There is no vetting to the endorsement. I get a box at the top of my profile asking me to endorse other people for skills that they've listed they have. I only endorse people that I have actually worked with in the capacity that the skill set was used for - so an endorsement from me is valid. When another parent from our elementary that I barely know that has connected with me on LinkedIn then endorses me for my Progress 4GL Programming knowledge - which I haven't even used in the past 10 years and have only know the person for the past 6 years since we moved to the Metro, I have to wonder what they think they are doing. Does this person even know what Progress 4GL is? Why are they endorsing me for a platform they know nothing about. Seriously! I do like when former bosses, co-workers and peers in the industry endorse my skills as they actually know what I'm capable of. I'm even ok with the elementary parent endorsing me for things like social media content, project management, organizational skills or other similar skill that they could feel they've seen because of the different volunteer duties I've taken on within our community. I do a lot for several different organizations. Especially the eNewsletters with Constant Contact and Social Media stuff. So I get that. But not them endorsing me for my db admin, programming or sys admin stuff. Come on! Since this bugs me so much, for my part I am very, very stingy with the endorsements I do. I want them to have actual value and meaning. I think I am alone in this though. So... I say to you all - when on LinkedIn please only do legitimate endorsements!!!

For those that do not know what LinkedIn is, it is essentially the professional connection equivalent to Facebook. It used to be a much more professional networking location that gave some insight to someone you were doing business with, looking to hire or peripherally connected to professionally. Now it allows people to do status updates and blog posts lessening it's value. And did I mention the bogus endorsements?

Gone for a while

I've been gone for a while.  I honestly had nothing to say.  My life was consumed by food issues and in the middle of it was a little ticked off at God for doing this to my youngest son.  Didn't necessarily what to share my nasty blasphemy... Well, we are on the other side of all this now.  I get it, I manage it, my kiddo is safe and happy and good to go.  I also realized that my anger was very, very misplaced and am very thankful that God could handle the misdirected anger and still love me in the end.  In the middle of it all, I've had several people ask me why I wasn't blogging anymore.  I didn't know I'd be missed...

So, since you asked for it... you've got it - I'm back and will start spewing my rant-y attitude again!

Much love,
Little Miss Rant :)

Late Night Texting

As I am sitting at my laptop working on a weekly eNews that I send for our elementary PTA... into my inbox pops the funniest message EVER!

Mr. Cheerful sent the following message to Mr. Chatterbox but accidentally put me on it too:

We should use e-mailing like texting to communicate but you'll need to be patient while the other person is emailing and tell me you are getting off and delete these as soon as you get them so we don't get in trouble NO SWEARING.

I am cracking up that Mr. Cheerful wants his big brother to not be a potty mouth    and slightly disturbed that the little turd thinks he can cover his tracks by deleting his e-mails.  I'm SOOO not telling either of them about the Sent Mail folder or reminding them that I have the password to their e-mail accounts!  

I replied:

Did you mean to send this to me too?  

You guys should TOTALLY use email to communicate back and forth (just like texting except that it's FREE!!!! whereas texting is not free!) - but not when you are supposed to be in bed sleeping.  

And you don't have to delete them because you won't get in trouble for e-mailing back and forth (because it is FREE!!!) - that's why you both have e-mail accounts.  You will only get in trouble if you are doing it when you shouldn't be - like 1/2 hour after I've sent you to bed.  Doing it when you are supposed to be in bed will result in all electronic devices being put in the kitchen, not just phones. 

And I agree - no potty mouths.  Filthy mouths will be cleaned with Disney soap. 

Love, 

Mommy 

OOOOOHHHHHH! I just can't stop laughing.  It is moments like this that I truly love being a mom and getting to see how their minds and personalities work.  Most important thing I took away from all this though... my boys are wanting to connect with each other and I far prefer that to the fighting!

I should probably explain the "Filthy mouths will be cleaned with Disney Soap" comment...  

Mr. Chatterbox is having the traditional middle school boy trying to navigate his way in the world and figure out what is cool (and not) and push any (and every) boundary he encounters.  His language has left much to be desired.  About 6 months ago after a rather awful spewing of sewage I took one of the leftover Mickey Mouse imprinted Disney Resort Soaps out of it's wrapper and had Mr. Chatterbox lather it up then put it in his mouth for 10 seconds (YES - I stole the idea from A Christmas Story!!! I'm sure that is where my parents got it when they had to do the same to me!!!).  He found it disgusting.  I was traumatized by the torturing of my son (or moreso his over-dramatized reaction to said torture that wrenched at my heart) and in a moment of brilliance (yes... yes, I did go there and called myself brilliant!  Just run with it for now, I'm sure we will have a plethora of opportunities in future posts to prove that I'm really not.  So just for now... let me feel that that moment in time WAS brilliant!) realized that I had an opportune moment to prevent it from ever happening again - I took the sucked upon soap and put it in a ziplock baggie that says "A filthy mouth gets cleaned" and then duct taped it to his wall right by his door so that he could see it, be reminded of it and hopefully make better choices later.  (Truth be told, I was hoping it would serve as a deterent for purely selfish reasons as if I have to put the soap in his mouth again his over-dramatized reaction WILL make me cry!)

It hasn't quite had the effect that I wanted (as evidenced by his little brother not wanting him to cuss in e-mails - but in his moments of doing it in front of me, all I have to do is raise one eyebrow and point at the bag (if in proximity) or say "A filthy mouth gets cleaned with Disney Soap" and he starts filtering his language.  

Not sure this was the marketing Disney had in mind for their resort soaps... but it's working for our Happy family!

Ready for the Holidays?

It sounds like  most everyone is feeling that they aren't ready for the holidays this year.  Being an over-achiever, in the past I was able to keep up with stuff like that and wasn't able to commiserate with the non-stay at home moms with the balance they weren't achieving (mind you, I wasn't judging though... I tried to never be one of those moms and attempted to always be supportive - if that's not the case I really wish someone would have told me if I was being intolerable!!!).  Now that I'm back at work (and even 2 1/2 years past going back to work, it still seems like a new thing!), I find that balance is not so easy to attain and totally get how hard it is not having a bunch of daytime hours to manage my time with.  So, I thought I would make everyone who's feeling behind get a glimpse at how horribly I'm doing so that they might not feel so bad about their own list.  Doesn't that always work... "I'm doing awful, but hey Susie Que over there is doing so much worse so it doesn't seem so bad..."

So...  let's get real about how the holiday's are panning out in Happyville...

Chanukah started on Saturday December 8th.  In the middle of a meeting on Thursday, December 6th where the speaker had a heavy accent that no one could understand (you don't even want to start me on this rant... I know we need to be pc about cultural diversity, but when you are so insistent on not even attempting to be understood it seems like a really bad career choice to go into public speaking.  Okay... I said it.  Go ahead and rant back at me about how totally un-politically correct that statement was!) my mind started to wander and it suddenly hit me... holy menorah batman!...  Chanukah was due to start on Saturday.  A day and a half away Saturday.  Oy vey... a day and a half away SATURDAY!

• Chanukah Presents:  Thanks to Mr. Happy being in town, his total obsession with CostCo and my love of Barnes and Nobles... we got presents cranked out in a few hours that evening.
• Chanukah Candles: On Friday Mr. Happy counted the candles for my and Little Miss Sassy Pants' menorahs and found that we had enough leftovers from previous years to hodge podge our way through most of Chanukah.  He then stopped by the temple and picked up a couple boxes for us on Saturday since he was on that side of town at a xcSki Coaches training.

At that point I was thinking... WOW! We pulled that off without a hitch and the kid's will never know how unorganized I've become since going back to work (again... at 2 1/2 years is this allowed to be considered a growing pain?).  And then last night... Mr. Chatterbox asks 'when are we going to eat the Chanukah food?'.  

• Chanukah Food: Holy Blintzes Batman!  I forgot about our tradition of eating potato latkes with apple sauce, blintzes with sour cream and cherries, sufganoit (jelly-filled donuts) - all of which are fried in OIL! - and flourless chocolate cake that we have on the first night of Chanukah.  And then, let's not forget... the homemade challah bread that Mr. Happy started making when we couldn't find it anywhere without annatto (Mr. Cheerful's first anaphylactic allergy (we have a new one... the pepper family (as in bell, chili, banana, jalepeno, etc. - but I'm not ready to talk about that yet!)) that we use for french toast the following morning (as in first morning of Chanukah).  I've obviously strayed far, far away from my Jewish heritage to have forgotten about the FOOD!  So.. Mr. Happy to the rescue (again!!! - and he's not got a lick of Judaism in him!!!)... he's back in town today and is going to call around to see if there are any Jewish deli's or bakeries that have gluten-free, annatto-free, pepper family-free (*bleh to that mouthful, from this point forward in this post we shall refer to it as GF, AF, PF (not to be confused with MF... which I really feel like spewing right now, but I'm a lady so I won't say it!  Yea... just run with the idea of me not having a horrid potty mouth, okay?) blintzes, latkes, challah, etc. as a save for tonight.  Mostly likely, the reality is that we are either not going to do the food this year or I'm going to spend significant time Saturday (last day of Chanukah) attempting to turn all my from-scratch recipes into Bob's Red Mill All Purpose Flour recipes!  I'm sure that I will manage this on the first pass and it will all turn out amazingly yummy.  *snort*  

Side note:  This Chanukah I'm beginning to wonder if Mr. Happy is paying people to distract me so that he can keep save the day.  He has been AMAZING.  You should want for a husband as awesome as this.  But I still wonder if he's paying people so I will appreciate him more! *grin*

And then there are the GF, AF, PF* @ School Holiday items that I need to purchase or order.  There is the pizza party followed by an ice cream sundae bar on Thursday and the gingerbread houses making on Friday.  My list includes:

• Ordering a GF, AF Pizza from Dominos to be delivered at the same time as the rest of the 4th grades order.  I thought I was ahead of the game in knowing that Dominos already has a GF, AF option.  Now I have to go back and check the ingredients in the sauce to make sure that none of the pepper  family (again... of the bell, jalapeno, banana, etc. variety, not black) is making it spicy!  So... uncheck that one...
• For the Sundae Bar we need Oreos and Vanilla Ice Cream.  I've got the GF Oreos by Kinnikinnick (one of our favs!) and have the AF Vanilla Ice Cream from Izzy's on the list for this weekend's errands.
• I'm started on the GF, AF (and now PF) gingerbread (which are really graham cracker) houses, in that I've already purchased the Kinnikinnick (need to buy stock in them and in Udi's!) Graham Crackers, I know where I can get the GF, AF Pretzel Rods and we have a can of AF White Frosting as a backup in case I can't find white in the whipped variety without it having the generic 'color added' in the ingredients (3 brands so far are a bust so far).  I'm going to take a look at the GF food store where I'm getting the pretzel rods this weekend.  Beyond that, I'm not sure how much energy I will put into this before e-mailing the teacher my dilemma about my child having the wrong kind of frosting - but they had whipped underlined on the letter that came home, so I need to give it a bit more of a try before admitting defeat! 

All said and done though, I'm thinking the school food issue isn't all that behind... but... 

Did anyone remember that I have two kids with Birthdays on December 23rd?  Except... we are celebrating my, Little Miss Sassy Pants and Mr. Cool's birthday's this weekend!  Yikes!  Okay... actually, that was just dramatic effect.  We already have birthday presents.  Our only 're-org' is that I now have to work on a restaurant option that is also PF, I already had GF, AF options.  I'm thinking I will call tomorrow (Saturday) morning since we are planning to go out Saturday night.  That doesn't seem procrastinated at all, does it?

There are many staple Holiday Traditions that we have...

• Holiday lights are Mr. Happy's passion and in true Griswald fashion, he's already got stuff on the house, in the front yard, and back yard, and on the deck, possibly in the neighbors yard (okay, well, not really, but it sounded funny, didn't it?).  Again with Mr. Happy being on the ball and me not.  Pisses me off, you know?  (Ha, ha and HA... there comes that potty mouth).
• Big 4 and ABC Family Holiday shows... we've watched Blake Shelton sing, Michael Buble sing, Frosty get married, Kris Kringle get married, Kevin McAllister get left home alone and Buddy find out he isn't really an elf.  DVR'd and waiting for us are several more of the classic animatronic (? is that right, I don't think it's claymation, but maybe?) the Year w/o Santa, Miser Brothers, etc.  So I think we are in good shape on this one.  Yes, let's not discuss that I don't have any of the things I need to do on my errands list done but we've watched lots of TV.  I already know I suck as a real mom, I just play a good one on TV!
• We've been trying to get to Holidazzle and the Macy's animatronics show (this time I know I'm using the right word) since the first weekend in December but just haven't been able to make it work with schedules yet (really... why can't they do it EVERY night instead of just the weekends?).  Might end up not going AGAIN this year.  Makes it not much of a tradition, eh?  Poor Mr. Cheerful, he's getting really ripped off when you compare his childhood to his older siblings who had me as a stay-at-home mom that made everything happen without a hitch!
• Homemade Martha Stewart quality family time crafts.  'nuf said.  That's just not going to happen!  (It didn't happen at Halloween or Thanksgiving either... for the past 2 1/2 years, ya know?)
• Holiday Card.  We probably just shouldn't talk about this.  We haven't even taken a family photo yet.  We are planning to this weekend when Mr. Cool is here, but seriously... no photo yet totally translates then to the ordering of cards and mailing not done either.  What waas that?  Holiday letter?  Well... last year I did a Wordle because I ran so late.  Tacky to do that two years in a row?  And I feel bad about this because cards have been trickling in since Thanksgiving and my friends all have such amazing photos and letters.  I used to love this!  You know, back when I was stay-at-home and had an hour or so to work on stuff.  (Wait, what is that - how long did it take me to write this blog instead of doing something useful?  *feigns innocence* I don't know) 
• Conversation about the Christian aspects of Christmas... done!  Thanks to the lovely conversation Mr. Cheerful and I had about Santa (see said conversation here)
• Tree... Not yet cut, let alone placed or decorated.  On this weekend's list.  Seriously, who needs tinsel  and broken bulbs this early?
• Presents... Thanks to Mr. Happy making me go to Black Friday sales Thursday night (!?! Can it still be called black Friday when it's Thursday night?) we are mostly done.  (I.can't.believe.he.has.made.me.go.to.Black.Friday.on.Thursday.Night.two.years.in.a.row - Ugh!)  So really, now it's just the last minute pull it all out and see if we short-changed anyone then dash out to balance the loot.
• Except then there are the presents for the extended family... a few years ago we did a homemade gift that went over well.  I thought we'd do it again.  Mr. Happy (darn him!) has already bought the ingredients, errr... I mean components if you are one of my extended family reading this - components gives nothing away! *grin*... but they are sitting on the table waiting to be, um... assembled.  Yep, that's it... assembled is what we are doing to the components this weekend.  And then since Mr. Happy is off for the next 2 1/2 weeks (double darn him) he can mail it all on Monday.

Whew... anyone else tired just thinking about this?  Sounds like I have a lot to do this weekend, eh?  Are you feeling better about how much you've already got done yet?  If not, I could make some more ridiculous holiday tasks for myself ensuring a mental breakdown before I turn 43 (which would actually solve my holiday problem since my birthday is 3 days BEFORE Christmas!)...

Put the boy in a bubble?

I've decided that it is time to home school.  That way my children will never, ever, ever have contact with any other child ever again!*  At school, some other mother's child felt the need to tell Mr. Cheerful that Santa is not real**.  So, like any predatory creature, he chose to come to the weakest member of the herd.  Me.  As he knows that if he asked Mr. Happy, Mr. Happy would lie to him (a fact which I think Mr. Happy is actually proud of!  Yeah, yeah... all you dad's unite on that being a good trait...).  The conversation started like this "You know how you've promised to never lie to me?".  Seriously... I knew right in that moment that whatever was to come next was NOT going to be good for me and that I was totally screwed!  He then followed with so-and-so told me that Santa isn't real and he wanted to know the truth.  I did the 'what do you think's' and 'I believe in Santa' (keyword being believe - which is not a lie!).  He saw the subterfuge of my attempts to divert and not answer, so he persisted with his own 'really, squeezes into a tube?', 'hits a gazillion houses on one night', 'has reindeer that fly', etc..  Ultimately, after wearing me down (a trait he has learned well from Mr. Happy.  Yeah, yeah... dad's uniting again on this being a good thing...), I finally answered that no, not really.  As the tears welled up in his eyes I was crushed - I'd just taken the magic away from my child.  I apologized for telling him the truth and that I wished I could have lied to him but felt a little trapped because he's started the conversation with making me promise I wouldn't.  To this, he got really, really mad at me and said that he wasn't crying because the magic was gone, he was crying because I've been lying to him for YEARS.  Years.  Yikes!  I think I would have preferred the loss of magic!  The conversation then progressed to the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Elves, Fairies, Rudolph and Reindeer.  Thinking that was a segue to redeeming myself I pounced on the reindeer aspect - as I was able to point out several zoos in which he has seen reindeer with his own eyes.  Unfortunately, he saw through that one too and somewhat condescendingly said 'yes mom, but they don't fly'.  Ugh!

Which leaves me with our Christmas traditions being based on a lie, instead of magical.  He might not believe anymore, but I think I need to.  I need for there to still be gifts from Santa.  I need us to put sparkly oats on the lawn so that the flying reindeer will see them from the sky and land on our lawn to eat them.  And then Santa can squeeze through the dryer vent to get in our house since we don't have a fireplace and we needed an orifice from the outside to the inside for Santa to squeeze into!  Laugh all you want, but how did you explain, on the spot, to a toddler how Santa gets in the house?  I need us to sprinkle reindeer food on the lawn, darn it!  Because if we don't, the realities of having a high schooler, middle schooler and upper elementary child are going to come crashing in really, really hard!  And seriously,  Mr. Cool isn't married yet and Little Miss Sassy Pants is WAY too young, so it's not like any grandchildren are coming along any time soon for me to lie to!  Wow... I'm now looking forward to lying to little children! What is next in the degradation of my life?

So, while I'm not actually serious about homeschooling my children (I mean seriously - they are in AP courses, Advanced Courses and the Gifted and Talented program - you think that would, or could, have happened if I was homeschooling them?***),  this would, in part, be a public service for all other mom's as my kid is now that 'other mother's child' that is probably telling all his friends the truth about their parents lying to them for years on end since birth.  Ugh again!

Notes:

* Homeschooling Moms:Don't get your knickers in a bunch!  NO!  I do not think that you shelter your children from other kids.  Frankly, I personally think you probably do a better job of social interactions for your kids than I do for mine.  This is meant to be humorous, not a personal attack, so take the chip off your shoulder and look for the humor because I think you guys are great and admirable in what you are doing!!!

** For all my fanatic Christian friends (you know you are but I still love you anyways...), Christmas for us IS about Christ's birth.  Same as Chanukah is a Festival of Lights and in no way goes against Christ or my now being Christian so we still celebrate it to honor the traditions by which I was raised.  And while Mr. Happy (who is a borderline fanatic Christian! *grin*) and I do make sure that our kids know that Christmas is about Christ, we do also still have the magic of Santa (which story has it was acting in honor of Christ's birth), Rudolph, Reindeer and other elements of 'mainstream' Christmas infused into our Holidays.  To say it's about Christ's birth period is wonderful for your family, but it doesn't make my family any less Christian just because we choose to have the magic woven in as well.

***This is a reflection on my abilities, not an attack on homeschooling.  From what I hear, your kids score much higher than district kids on standardized tests, ACT and SAT's.  Again, meant to be humorous and totally about me stunting my children's intellectual capacity if they were reliant on me as the sole source of brain nutrition!

Additional Note: I find it very sad what society has done to women in that I feel that I have to do these disclaimers as everyone is so incredibly hyper-sensitive.  What happened to women  bringing each other up, supporting the personal choices we make and not taking everything personal as it most likely wasn't intended that way.  I think there should be no more finger-pointing, no more misconstruing of comments and all women should be confident in their choices and supportive of each other!!!  But... that is a whole different rant!!!